Full Surrender Read online

  “Have the police ever contacted you about it?”

  “No. But I have a friend who works at the agency, a guy I tried dating for a while before that particular experiment failed. Anyway, he explained that the police log the threats so they know where to look if any action is taken toward me, but as long as there is no reason to suspect the sender knows my whereabouts or anything personal about me, the threat is considered less credible.”

  “That’s bullshit.” And not just because she’d dated the guy. Although he didn’t like to think about that, either. “The post office needs to know about threats received through the mail and there are internet-crime divisions that will investigate threats by email.”

  He stopped short of telling her to switch vetting agencies, but he hoped it would be obvious this organization was filled with people who sucked at their jobs.

  She gripped her tea mug with both hands and hovered over it while the steam rose.

  “Okay.” She nodded slowly, calmer now that she’d shared the story.

  He, in the meantime, wanted to find whoever was scaring her and tear them apart.

  “Maybe we can make a trip back to your place in D.C. this week to check on things.” He couldn’t wait to read the riot act to her local cop shop, assuming they’d actually ever gotten copies of the letters from this joke of an agency she used. “I could help bump up your security system.... You do have a security system?”

  “My apartment building has a buzzer on the front door. Everyone has to be admitted who doesn’t live there.”

  “I mean a dedicated system just for your apartment.” He tried biting back his frustration but couldn’t. “Steph, I can understand that you want to put the past behind you, but as long as these jokers are out there, you’ve got to protect yourself.”

  Lifting the cup to her lips, she took a sip and nodded.

  “But there will always be ‘jokers’ like this out there. The fringe lunatics on both sides of the argument have always existed and always will. This is simply the fallout for anyone brave enough to take a reasoned stand either way.”

  “I’m worried about today and what we can do to protect you here and now.”

  “That’s a good idea.” She smiled, but it wasn’t that wry half grin he’d never forgotten in the five years he’d gone without seeing her. No, this was an obvious fake. “I’ll look into that when I get home. But I don’t think we need to visit D.C. during this time we have together. In fact...”

  She put her cup back on the counter and slid off the chair to stand next to him.

  “I feel better now,” she continued. “It’s not that I want to forget about the past and I promise I’ll investigate all the avenues you mentioned to ensure I’m protected. However, tonight—since no one is going to find me here with you—couldn’t we get back to what we were feeling out on the dock after we danced?”

  She looped her arms around his neck and he wanted like hell to forget about everything else. Yet hadn’t he done that five years ago and lived to regret it? He didn’t tell her not to go to Iraq. He hadn’t wrapped her up tight and admitted he was crazy about her.

  Was he honestly going to let her distract him again now, when her safety was in question?

  “Depends.” He thought fast, knowing he’d only scare her away if he started outlining plans to keep her safe. He’d begin small. Build from there over the time they had left. “Will you give that vetting agency their walking papers and find a group better suited to protect your best interests?”

  He’d tackle the security alarm tomorrow. Right now, he wanted someone besides her incompetent ex-boyfriend handling her reader mail.

  “Are you withholding sexual favors until I comply?” Her smile returned, and this time it was the real deal.

  Some of the ache in his chest eased as he hoped he’d chosen his strategy well.

  “I might.” He turned in his chair and clenched her waist with his hands, smoothing over the hot-pink satin. “I’m doing it for altruistic reasons, though, so you can’t hold it against me.”

  She leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek. Then, she dragged her lower lip up to his temple, her breath warm and chamomile-scented.

  “You have no reason to be jealous of the guy I dated,” she whispered against his skin. “If not for him, I might not have realized how much I needed you. Only you.”

  Possessiveness stirred inside, the need to be with her so strong he didn’t stand a chance of fighting it. Tomorrow, he’d move into full-on protector mode. Tonight, safe in a place no enemy would find her, he could afford to touch her. Take her. Make her his.

  “I need you, too.” He skimmed a touch up her side and found the zipper to her dress hidden under one arm. Knowing that the shades were drawn and the doors were locked, he tugged the tab down until the dress fell in a pool of satin at her feet.

  Her eyes found his in the dim light from the pendant lamps over the counter. He wanted to kiss her until she was weak-kneed and pliant against him, but her newly unveiled body called to him like a siren’s song. Pearl-gray lace cupped her breasts and spanned her hips, tantalizing him with glimpses through the delicate fabric. She stepped out of her high heels and arched up on her toes as if she would make herself at home in his lap.

  But he was past the point of measured touches designed to bring her pleasure. He needed more. Sliding off the bar chair, he stepped over her discarded dress. Next, he lifted her the same way he had when they’d been dancing. He plucked her off her feet and set her back down where he wanted her—against a bare wall in the hallway that led to the den.

  “Tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable,” he said to her even though he was already licking his way down her collarbone to the swell of her breast.

  Her fingers threaded through his hair, guiding him where he wanted to go.

  “I don’t want to be comfortable.” She arched her back, lifting her right breast so that his mouth hovered just above the lace over her nipple. “I want to be wildly aroused. And I want you to take me there.”

  When he drew on the mound through the fabric, she clawed down the lace cup, exposing herself to his kiss. There was a new edge to her response, a sexual confidence that hadn’t been there before.

  He increased the pressure, licking and sucking until she lifted her other breast in a demand for equal attention. Gladly, he accommodated her, peeling away the last fastening on her bra until it fell to the floor. He massaged the soft weight of the pale globes, circling the tips with his thumbs until she pulled his hips to hers and swayed against the erection she found there.

  Then, things got out of control in a hurry. She tugged his tie loose and then yanked it off. He worked the buttons of his shirt. Her fingers struggled with the belt buckle while he undid his fly. He remembered a condom from his pocket before his pants fell to the floor. Somehow, they got enough off to free him, until only her panties stood in the way.

  He reached for the lacy garment, more than ready to sink inside her. But she surprised him by pulling the foil packet from his hand and sinking to her knees in front of him. He couldn’t have looked away if he tried. The sight of her soft hands and pink fingernails tentatively sliding down the length of his shaft almost cost him the last shred of his control. Gripping the wall with both hands, he steeled himself for the feel of her lips around him. Her tongue darted out to circle the head and slalom a path down the length of him....

  With his release poised and ready, he reached for her and hauled her to her feet, stealing the prophylactic back.

  “I’ve got this,” he muttered. “Can’t wait. Can’t...” He rolled the condom on, his speech disconnected from his thoughts so he made no sense. He just needed to be inside her.

  He captured her mouth in a hard kiss at the same moment he lifted her thigh over one arm and buried himself deep. She was so hot and wet, her body so slick and ready for him that it made his pulse throb in his temple, his erection throb with the need to give her everything.

  Delaying the ine
vitable, he focused on the kiss and her hungry response. He thought about her soft skin under his fingers, the taut muscle beneath. He tried thinking about her breasts and the soft weight crushed between them as he found a rhythm between her legs.

  But then, the sweet sensation was too much. His release surged through him so hard his thighs strained with it.

  For an instant, he worried he might be restraining her, his weight too heavy against her as he pressed her into the wall. He pried his eyes open to watch her, make sure she was okay, just in time to see her expression still and her eyes flutter close. Seeing her orgasm only made his last longer.

  She was so damn beautiful. So important to him.

  He just hoped the intensity of what he felt for her didn’t scare her off. Because this time, he was gambling everything and telling her how he felt and what he wanted—her, always. He just needed to figure out what kind of life he could offer her besides a few weeks out of the year when he wasn’t aboard a ship. But before that? He would make damn sure no one else could ever hurt her again.

  * * *

  IN THE LIGHT OF MORNING, staring at the dent in the pillow where Danny had slept beside her up until an hour ago, Stephanie could see that she’d been lying to herself to think she’d ever wanted something light and temporary with him. The frantic need for him that had overtaken her last night like a wild beast should have proven that her feelings were far more complicated than she could articulate. Hell, it had been easier to tear his clothes off and let her body do the talking than admit she might feel...

  Love.

  It was the ultimate vulnerability. For a woman terrified of ever being defenseless again...the knot of complex feelings inside was scary. Obviously it was a different kind of scary, but it had taken her so long to get her head on straight after the abduction, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to risk another kind of hurt. Maybe that’s why it had taken forever to work up the courage to see him again. Perhaps she’d known all these years that their relationship had the potential to explode into something this powerful. She remembered she’d shut down those feelings five years ago when she’d had to say goodbye to Danny the first time....

  * * *

  “I WISH WE HAD another day,” he told her as they stood in the living room of the crappy Long Island apartment she’d rented to give herself some space from her New York–based parents.

  Her bags were packed and her coworkers at the news magazine were having a little going-away party for her and Christina before they left for Iraq. She had been excited for a new adventure and a chance to prove to her mother that she could handle the pressure of a gritty assignment overseas. But as the days ticked down, she found herself wondering what life would be like if she stayed in Long Island and saw what happened with Danny.

  He was based in Massachusetts, but that wasn’t all that far away. Besides, he might be making more frequent trips into the city after the success of his gig in Manhattan earlier that week. His band had a single that was starting to get some independent radio play. Mostly, she just enjoyed being with him. He never made her feel that she didn’t live up to his expectations.

  “What would we do if we had another day?” she asked him, tormenting herself with one last look at what might have been. Her taxi would be here any moment and he’d insisted on staying to help her load her bags to take into work, where a company car would then drive her and Christina to the airfield.

  “Hmm.” He seemed to take the question seriously, peering at the ceiling as if there were answers up above. “We’ve already entertained ourselves thoroughly in this apartment. I would say that if we had another day, we’d have to venture out into the world and see if we had as much fun together away from home.”

  “Away from a bed, you mean?” she teased, recalling how many places and ways they’d made love...er, had sex...in the past few days.

  But the attraction was fierce and it didn’t take much to ignite.

  For a moment, she wondered if he was going to say something serious, because his expression turned intense. Darkly brooding. Sexy in its own way and yet... She swallowed hard. She couldn’t afford to care about him any more than she already did. Not when she was going away for at least three months—six if the reports she and Christina did were popular with viewers.

  Then, he smiled and she could tell he was making an effort to keep things light.

  “Exactly. Today, we’d see if we could make it to the corner market without needing to run back here and get naked.” He kissed her cheek, the whiskers from the soul patch on his chin teasing her skin. “Then, we’d see if we could get as far as the theater a mile down the road.”

  “We’d never make it,” she said, the words sounding more plaintive than she’d intended. She cleared her throat and tried again. “I mean, one look at the chocolate syrup in the corner market and I would be so overwhelmed with memories, I’d have to sprint all the way home.”

  A cab honked downstairs, the sound drifting up to her second-floor apartment.

  “That’s my ride.” She couldn’t bring herself to say goodbye. Couldn’t bring herself to say half the things she was feeling.

  Part of her didn’t want to go, but that was natural, right? Even tough-guy military men must feel some trepidation at heading into a war zone. No wonder she was keyed up.

  “Steph.” Danny’s voice, calm and grounding, cut through her frantic thoughts. “I will be thinking about you and I’m going to pray you’re safe.”

  The sentiment, so serious after all the ways they’d laughed and played this week, threatened to topple her shaky control. She gave a fast nod, unable to speak without showing her emotions.

  “Be careful, okay?” He kissed her hard and fast.

  It was all she could do not to cling to him. If only they’d met after she came home instead of now when they were both on the brink of major changes in their lives. Him with his music. Her with her photography.

  “I will.” She eased back enough to look up into those forest-green eyes. “Maybe next time we see each other, I’ll be screaming my head off in the front row at one of your shows.”

  He was so talented. She had no doubt that he’d make it big in the music business while she was gone. She’d be lucky if he even remembered her.

  “I’m going to keep my eye out for you. Trust me.” He grinned and reached for her bags as the cab honked again.

  Then, the moment of connection was gone. He kissed her once more before her taxi took off, but by that time, she’d shut down the urge to throw herself at him and beg him to wait for her....

  * * *

  CHICKEN THEN, chicken now?

  She didn’t want to think so. But even if she dared to take that risk and tell him she was falling for him, what were their options for testing a relationship when he remained at sea most of the year?

  Hauling herself out of bed while she mulled it over, she could already smell coffee brewing in the kitchen. She’d showered an hour ago when Danny had first awoken her with, he’d said, a burning desire to wash her hair. Turned out his burning desire had been about a whole lot more than that and her body still glowed with all the ways he’d satisfied her.

  As she dressed, her cell phone chimed with a message.

  Mom.

  She checked the text, hoping there was no new ugliness to report regarding the emails from readers. But her note only said: I thought u would call me?

  Tugging on a simple knit dress from her suitcase, Stephanie dialed her mother’s phone, remembering all the reasons she liked to have boundaries in her relationships. Was it any wonder she hadn’t gotten closer to Danny way back when? Then, she’d been desperate to make her mark on the world as an adult outside her parents’ sphere of influence. Now, she was desperate to free herself from her mother’s unspoken accusations. She knew her mother blamed Stephanie for making her ill, for not conforming to her expectations and being an all-around disappointment.

  “Stephanie, thank God you’re all right.” Her mom answered with t
ypical drama.

  “Good morning, Mom. I only just woke up or I would have phoned sooner.” She slid into the warm and soothing tones of a late-night radio host, detached but comforting. “You’ll be happy to know I spoke to Danny about the threats and sent him a copy of the digital file. We’re going to work on increased security today.”

  It was mostly true. She had shared the incident with Danny even though she hadn’t wanted to make a big deal out of the notes. And during her conversation with Danny the night before, she had promised to axe Josh’s PR firm today. She’d only kept them on to deal with the reader mail, but now that she’d started over and recovered in so many ways, she was ready to supervise the task herself. Maybe reading her own mail and reporting the weirdos herself would give her a greater sense of control and closure.

  “Truly? What is he going to do to keep you safe? With the Murphy resources—”

  “Mom.” She cut her off, her soothing voice long gone. “It’s not about what he’s going to do. And we’re not using ‘Murphy resources.’ He’s helping me figure out how to handle this and that’s it. I’m fine and that’s what I agreed to call about today, remember?”

  Just once, she wished her mother would have some faith in her. Some trust in her judgment or some respect for her independence. But after waiting for years, she would have to concede it wasn’t going to happen.

  Frustrated and disappointed, she finished up the call and headed into the kitchen, where her day was bound to improve. The coffee was made and the eggs were on the stove. A shirtless, sexy man stood at the counter prepping plates and juice glasses.

  “Good morning,” she called over the clink of silverware and the hard rock music filtering through hidden speakers in the dining area next to the kitchen.

  He stopped what he was doing to turn and look at her, his bold green gaze raking over her as intimately as if they still stood together under that hot shower spray.

  “A good morning, indeed.” He gripped her waist and pulled her in for a kiss. “I made you some breakfast in case you worked up an appetite in the shower.”